So the holidays are over and school started up again. I've had quite a depressing vacation, so I'm actually thrilled it's over. I've had some good days though. Last friday I went to moderator-day. We were 12 moderators (out of like 32 or something) but it was really nice.. Olivia, Anmar, Sarah, Louise and Thea were there and we had the best time. It's been a really long time since I laughed that much. We started at watAgame's office and then went to tivoli. There were sooooooo many people, but it was ok.
Hmm, I started these holidays at our house in Sweden. We were there from friday to thuesday, were we went home because we fought too much. Not good. Then I was home for like one day and then I got thrown back at Egholt because my mother just couldn't stand being with me anymore. She said she never wanted to see me again and was just generally very dramatic.. So I went to Egholt and got way to drunk, made out with one of the other girls and then went alone out in the dark after more alcohol. Ended up laying in the grass, not capable of standing straight. Some man picked me up and drove me back at Egholt, were I got to sleep. So that was pretty stupid..
Oh wel.. Hope you all had a nice vacation.

School again

So I started school up again. It's not quite as amazing as I hoped it would be, but I think I just need to give it some time. I'm pretty much left to myself and I don't know what I am supposed to do. But I think it will get better after some time. I went to the horseriding class today, I wasn't allowed to ride because I don't got the proper clothes and bla bla bla, but it was okay just to look anyway. I'm going to try it after the holidays.
I'm going to our house in Sweden with my family. I'm really looking forward to that. It will be greao get a little away from this mess.
Oh and then I moved in at Egholt. The people here are all very nice to me. So that's just great.. I don't know what else to say. Bye :)

Birthday

So I celebrated my birthday with a couple of friends last night. It went really well. We played singstar, watched horror movies, ate and talked. I only purged once, after eating cake. So that's ok.
Anmar stayed and slept at my place. We had a really great time and I laughed a lot. It's been a while.
Now I'm just sitting in my bed, starving (and actually kind of loving the feeling), listening to some music. I just bought last.fm subscription - that's amazing. It's not much, just 3 bucks a month and now I can listen to a whole bunch of artist, that's amazing<3
I'm just kinda sad because I just realized how little of a life I actually got. I never get invited to partys and I have no friends to go to concerts with. I do have friends, but I've asked everyone and noone wants to go with me. That sucks, because I really want to go to a concert. So now I've found some internetfriends and are planning on going to a Dúné concert with them.. My dad isn't too happy about it, but he says that if Egholt is okay about it, he will be too. So we're calling them first thing in the morning, asking if it's okay. I'm crossing everything I can possibly cross.
Hmm, I don't think I have more to say. Bye people.

I don't know what to do

I'm so scared right now. I don't know what to do. I woke up this morning, my father gone. And I don't know when he will come home. I can't take any pn medication, because my father hid the key. I'm just so anxious and terrified. I just wish he would come home. I'm sitting, banging my head into the wall. I don't know what to do.

Bulimia is raging

"What do you think you're doing? Eating, AGAIN? Lately all you been doing is eating. Eating and crying. Pathetic little fuck. No, you're not allowed to just take one apple. Why!? Are you freaking kidding me? Because it will make you fat for christ sake! Haven't we discussed this a million times? It's up to me to decide wether or not you are allowed to eat. I make the call, not you, no - I do! And you've already been eating like a pig today and you haven't even bothered to throw up. What that supposed to be? Are you really that lazy that you prefer to have all that disgusting food swimming round in your enormous stomach, than just to get rid of it. I know you feel proud for fighting against me, but let's face it honey - you're too weak to make it without me. You think you'll do so great without me, but the truth is that you are N-O-T-H-I-N-G without me. You're just a fat girl, who can't do anything right. You're so fucking lazy, weak and pathetic, that it makes me want to cry. But baby, the difference between you and me, is while you would be sobbing like a baby, I won't.

You know what to do. You know how to be perfect. Then why the fuck aren't you doing it? Why aren't you restricting, when I've told you hundreds of times that, that's the way to go. Stop eating for fuck sake, how hard can it be? Don't you want to be skinny, to be pretty? Everybody knows that you can't achieve your goals without doing something for it.

Go fight. You know I'm only saying this to help you. I'm doing you a favor, I'm making you pretty."

First post

First post, huh. Not too sure what I should write about though.

I'm so bored. I'm just sitting home all day long, doing nothing. In two weeks from today am I moving in at Egholt, a community for people with issues like mine. I'm pretty excited about that. I hope it will help me move forward and give me the life I'm craving so badly for. I'm going to start school up again too. After a year with no school and inpatient treatment. In a school that's build for the place, where there only is 12 students. I think that's a good thing. I'm having a really hard time going to school. I want to do it so much, but it's just so hard. It sounds so weak and pathetic when I put it like that, but I don't know how else to explain it. I just can't stand being there, I'm anxious, afraid of everything and all I want to is to get home again. Home is so safe and school is just terrifying. So it's great that I can start at this school, where they don't expect too much of me and where I quitely and calmly can finish my 10th grade.

So... about this place, Egholt. I went seeing it last thuesday and it seems pretty amazing. They have horses, so I'm going to learn riding. They have cows, rabbits, goats and cats too. And they have this musicroom, with all kinds of instruments and microphones. Then they have workout machines. And a enormous garden and forest. So, it's going to be very interessting.

I don't think I will write more now. So ttfn!