I don't know what to do

I'm so scared right now. I don't know what to do. I woke up this morning, my father gone. And I don't know when he will come home. I can't take any pn medication, because my father hid the key. I'm just so anxious and terrified. I just wish he would come home. I'm sitting, banging my head into the wall. I don't know what to do.

Bulimia is raging

"What do you think you're doing? Eating, AGAIN? Lately all you been doing is eating. Eating and crying. Pathetic little fuck. No, you're not allowed to just take one apple. Why!? Are you freaking kidding me? Because it will make you fat for christ sake! Haven't we discussed this a million times? It's up to me to decide wether or not you are allowed to eat. I make the call, not you, no - I do! And you've already been eating like a pig today and you haven't even bothered to throw up. What that supposed to be? Are you really that lazy that you prefer to have all that disgusting food swimming round in your enormous stomach, than just to get rid of it. I know you feel proud for fighting against me, but let's face it honey - you're too weak to make it without me. You think you'll do so great without me, but the truth is that you are N-O-T-H-I-N-G without me. You're just a fat girl, who can't do anything right. You're so fucking lazy, weak and pathetic, that it makes me want to cry. But baby, the difference between you and me, is while you would be sobbing like a baby, I won't.

You know what to do. You know how to be perfect. Then why the fuck aren't you doing it? Why aren't you restricting, when I've told you hundreds of times that, that's the way to go. Stop eating for fuck sake, how hard can it be? Don't you want to be skinny, to be pretty? Everybody knows that you can't achieve your goals without doing something for it.

Go fight. You know I'm only saying this to help you. I'm doing you a favor, I'm making you pretty."

First post

First post, huh. Not too sure what I should write about though.

I'm so bored. I'm just sitting home all day long, doing nothing. In two weeks from today am I moving in at Egholt, a community for people with issues like mine. I'm pretty excited about that. I hope it will help me move forward and give me the life I'm craving so badly for. I'm going to start school up again too. After a year with no school and inpatient treatment. In a school that's build for the place, where there only is 12 students. I think that's a good thing. I'm having a really hard time going to school. I want to do it so much, but it's just so hard. It sounds so weak and pathetic when I put it like that, but I don't know how else to explain it. I just can't stand being there, I'm anxious, afraid of everything and all I want to is to get home again. Home is so safe and school is just terrifying. So it's great that I can start at this school, where they don't expect too much of me and where I quitely and calmly can finish my 10th grade.

So... about this place, Egholt. I went seeing it last thuesday and it seems pretty amazing. They have horses, so I'm going to learn riding. They have cows, rabbits, goats and cats too. And they have this musicroom, with all kinds of instruments and microphones. Then they have workout machines. And a enormous garden and forest. So, it's going to be very interessting.

I don't think I will write more now. So ttfn!